...banker banter ;)

bankers are often accused of having a very dry sense of humour, generally what we find funny, normal people will not or they don’t get it…sample this;

;)

me: do you have a change for a quid please? the vending machine is acting crazy and is not accepting my one pound

colleague: here you go….couple of fifty pence

me: brilliant thank you

colleague: transfer fee?

:)

me (to a colleague who is working on the bloomberg terminal): hey, can you grab the libor for me please; need to get my swaps out

colleague: oh just assume it to be 0.57451287 or 0.48957326 whatever

me: huh?

colleague: well if barclays can, so can we

;)

me (thinking aloud): i think this deal is screwed, losses have increased by 100k q-o-q, what should i do?

colleague: your portfolio, your deal, your issue….your personal issue, go figure

me: oops i missed couple of zeroes there, it’s actually in billions

colleague: in that case it’s the nation’s issue, considering the geography of the deal, it will turn into an international issue

;)

colleague-t (a mother of a 3 year old) : you know the crèche where my kid is admitted to, well apart from the regular monthly charges we pay, incase we are late to pick up the boy by 5-10 minutes they charge us a fiver or a tenner…bloody morons

me: thinking about it, there is potential scope for securitising these cashflows

colleague-k: oh yes, as these are paid monthly and are regular cashflows

colleague-j: we can do a credit profiling of parents as the underlying asset

boss: default rate will be minimal; c’mon parents can’t default on child-minder’s cost after all we have the kid as the collateral *wicked smile*

team (except t): awesome idea khan, seize it, yayyyyyyy, ten-on-ten, terrific, patent it

me: and we issue another security say lcoks (late collection of kids security) where these charges of fiver and tenner can flow through, like mercs in rmbs deals

team (except t): whoa, bravo, you are star khan, excellent, genius, champ, bullseye *cheers* *hi-fives*

colleague-t: what the heck is wrong with you guys, these guys are not human anymore!!!

;)

as they say;
bankers dont die...they just lose interest ;)